Do I have anything at all to say besides the scrapings I collect from this well, destructively soured with hallucinogens? Does my right hand write with a limp? Is there a defect, a retardation which won’t allow a certain word or idea to be formed through a specific set of movements? Am I too stuffy with preoccupation? Or am I just tired of beating this dead horse? I have after all, written endlessly about what I perceive to be the “important” issues in this life, I like to think that’s all I write. Have I just finally realized it does NOTHING but waste my time (and the time of whomever is unfortunate enough to spend reading it)? So why do I even bother? Why do I feel the need to continually comment, retort, speak against, argue, refuse to accept? Because… I know, I know how ugly it can be, I know what it is capable of. And if people like me stop using their voices only the false voices will find their way into all ears.
Why should I want to help man by stopping these horrendous ruiners? Well, simply because life would be much better without them. It would not be perfect, that is a ridiculous and impossible lie we tell ourselves because it takes our minds off of all the truth around us, however it would be better. Much better then, to make things safer, and healthier. Why should I feel obligated to save anyone from anything, besides myself? Simple contempt and spite. Simple.
As honest and candid as I can be. Only my absolute hatred and disgust for the institutions which people allow themselves to be controlled by keeps my pen moving. So then, that’s it. No pretentious, larger, more altruistic reason. Pure self-serving emotion. So I feel no further need to justify, to try and defend myself. I will not apologize for what I think or feel. I will not be ashamed of myself and my mind.
Unabashedly shouting:
OFF WITH THE HEADS OF THE FEAR-MONGERS, THE BLOOD-MONEY MILLIONAIRES. THE POLITICIANS, THE TOBACCO, ENERGY, OIL, AND PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES. THE ADVERTISING INDUSTRY, THE MEDIA AND ALL ORGANIZED RELIGION TOO!
Fuck the hypocritical cowards, shelling the truly dangerous drugs (alcohol and tobacco) with no shame, while condemning safe, natural drugs. Alcohol and Tobacco have killed more people than all other drugs! COMBINED! Freedom of speech to the highest bidder, “United States of Advertising”; This bud’s for you!
Come to Amurdermerica and visit Jesus Land! Grow ignorant, fat, and sick. Numb, empty, and passive. Read the bible and drink coke! Kill hundreds of thousands of little brown people that live in some “evil, oppressive, violent” country from your home, with your t.v. and your air-conditioning! Kill by remote, use the internet to detonate mines! Be a modern day bigot! The socially nurtured form of racism: the conservative right.
Buy stocks now! Buy, buy, buy! Pure capitalism, no democracy. Flaccid and expendable as an over used pop-culture catch phrase. Infectious as a plague and twice as deadly. Capitalism and religion, as institutions; our only true gods.
Still even after saying what I’ve just said, I absolutely believe I act in a more christianly manner than most christians ( I refuse to capitalize that disgusting “c”) I’ve ever met. Why should that matter, why would I mention it as if there is some significance in the notion? Because I believe in neither god or the bible, yet I can still manage to lead my life in an honest, caring, and moral manner. I do not need the bible. What is there that could be written within those pages you should need to be told? It seems being a good person comes naturally to those who are instinctually and genuinely good. I don’t need a book to tell me how to not be an evil, cruel, or malicious person… my mind provides that particular service of discernment for free. It comes natural, so why should I have to read a book (written by man) to tell me what is right and what is wrong? It’s all too arbitrary and proprietary to even consider as being relevant in today’s world. A book that has been re-written and edited and abridged so many times by so many different people it cannot possibly convey a pertinent message which is untainted by the whims of man. It is a book, it is just a book. A book passed down through the hands of hypocrites, murderers, child molesters, and tyrants. Quite a track record this “book of peace” has for causing death, despair, and pain. All in the name of quaint superstitions. All in the name of money and control, all in the name of MONEY and CONTROL.
Sadly, it has worked and will most likely continue to. Which is the most ironic trick it has up-kept, the logic and the stories are filled with so many holes it’s ridiculous. I balk at the very idea that anyone can even be remotely fooled into thinking there is some weight to the other side of the argument. But as I said this is its best trick, because its beliefs require you to suspend logic, to DISREGARD LOGIC and blindly believe based on “faith”. The whole is set up to support only those willing to look at the world and humanity through a narrow and biased spectrum.
It is akin to the logic of a schizophrenic person: their logic is impenetrable, if they say they are a dinosaur you cannot convince them otherwise and when you try to you are automatically seen by them as an enemy agent, as an opposing force who is unable to see, what to them, is the plain and simple truth. Religion does the same, anyone who argues or has conflicting beliefs is seen as someone who has yet to discover “truth”, only it isn’t truth, it is just their schizophrenic version of the truth. They say, “You are not saved, you are not enlightened, you are unable to understand, because you do not believe ‘I am a dinosaur’ (in god)”. So the fact that it is an institution based on things that cannot be proven is not a detriment but its strongest weapon. How convenient.
I was thinking, for about an hour or so how antique gopher traps might, might represent the industrialization and subsequent decay of western civilization. However I soon came to the (what I suppose was inevitable) conclusion that the very notion of antique gopher traps representing anything other than man’s loss of self was absurd.
Full-circle. I have to force myself to cast away the wretched stink of the self-obsessed, I have to concede to the bigger picture, the more important truths. Wallowing in my own pathetic self-pity. I’ve been lost in myself, I’ve ignored what poisons us all.
No more. Break from everything, then break from myself. Unmistakable.
